First journal note; #4DaysTravel

Day 1-2

DEEEEEP EXXXHHALE

What an emotional journey. I’m sitting with my journal in front of me, with the evening sounds, darkness, and shining stars taking their place.

My intention to share as much as I dare to in this given moment, in each given post, because we are in this life together – because, when one heals, we all heal. 

It took a total of four days from when I left Oslo, to arrive to my final destination. 

And for all four days (and after), I cried deeply 

All within the same week before takeoff, I finished my last exam, resigned from my job(s), moved out of my apartment, moved back home, got my travel insurance, and packed my bags for my new adventures with a one-way ticket.

Here I have to add that I did not complete this week alone. I had physical help, emotional support, and spiritual guidance. THANK YOU TO ALL FAMILY AND FRIENDS who supported me during this unstable period.

Despite how much effort, time, and willingness I had invested in this trip, it definitely came very quickly, and I could not help but feel all the doubtful thoughts that would rush through as the departure day approached, again and again…

Am I ready? 

Do I want to go? 

Should I have stayed? 

Considering where my mind/emotions are, do I need to stay close to loved ones for their comfort more than going? 

Up until now, I have rushed SO much from one space to another… from one location to another… everything from CA to OSLO, to different locations in Oslo… and not allowing myself the time and space to close each chapter properly and to reflect on what the time and space, in each given location, provided me.

Thats one of my intentions with this trip – to slow down, take time to look back and around.

To continue my inner journey of surrender, acceptance, belif, breath

First plane ride 2 hours of sleeping, crying, writing, and repeat 

Two truths came through: 

1) Breath- gateway to freedom, peace, answers

2) By giving one of your greatest asets – time – you will receive abundance

Second plane during the 8h plane ride, I continued my writing, and watched the Coco Chanel movie on my way over the Atlantic夷ndependent woman; help from others AND accepting the help; love; hard worker; driven by a passion; risk; standing alone on own feet; horses歹

My continuous thought process involved a lot of; to receive, hold, heal, and release all feelings: 

  • Tired; of defening, protecting, and explaining myself
  • Excited; soon seeing my Abuela, of all the unknowns
  • Missing; already longing for my family and friends
  • Rushed; decisions needing to be made before I was able to make up my mind/feel ready
  • Regrets; Should have taken more time at home?
  • Difficulty accepting; That I am leaving Norway, leaving loved ones, when all I seek when moments in need is their comfort

Day 2-3 travel: in NYC 

Oh how I love New York City.

The feelings and emotions that rise within me take me back to summer vacations with my family in New York City, to visit family/friends the feeling of vacation, different smells, the people, the views, my favorite morning runs. It also took me back to this past summer地s I enrolled at Columbia University and intended to move to NYC for the next two years. I remained enrolled and completed our first summer semester. However, upon realizing that I wouldn’t be financially able to relocate to NYC, I opted to commence our fall semester virtually. I’m grateful for this decision as it provided me with insight into what I would have missed had I not attempted it, considering my eventual withdrawal from Columbia University.

OK back to travel notes all I want for this entire trip is to slow down, postpone all shoulds/goals (ex athletics), to be yet my travel experience would represent the complete opposite. A truth that it would take me several days of my trip to accept. 

Intention of trip:

  • Find my inner voice to go inward when making a decision
  • Slow down to let what what been and was is to settle within and around me
  • To be, breath, believe, accept, surrender, feel
  • Service; to leave people in a better place than when you entered

Inner knowing 

  • I am protected
  • I am ok
  • when one heals, we all heal.
  • I am supposed to be right here
  • breath- gateway to freedom, peace, answers
  • by giving one of your greatest asets – time – you will receive abundance

Lessons

  • experiencing all parts/feelings life has to offer because we can feel the same feelings/pain in diffeeent settings
  • Sitting through all the pain
    • What I would tell others in this unstable, unknowing, discomforts me, fearful, lonely, untouched path to not be afraid to explore ways/means to feel that inner pain – to allow oneself to get it out and to do it w/something you enjoy or someone you trust
  • What helped to calm my continuous crying and panicking: closeness with others, talking & sharing, writing it all down, to breath, to move, to shower, to sleep,
  • lesson: I want to be intentional about taking my time to pack up and love, learn how to gracefully say goodbye

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